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November 18, 2010 / Candice

Penn Jillette to TSA: Finish up, and then call the police please.

(h/t: It’s Only Words.)

Last Thursday I was flying to LA on the Midnight flight. I went through security my usual sour stuff. I beeped, of course, and was shuttled to the “toss-em” line. A security guy came over. I assumed the position. I had a button up shirt on that was untucked. He reached around while he was behind me and grabbed around my front pocket. I guess he was going for my flashlight, but the area could have loosely been called “crotch.” I said, “You have to ask me before you touch me or it’s assault.”

He said, “Once you cross that line, I can do whatever I want.”

I said that wasn’t true. I say that I have the option of saying no and not flying. He said, “Are you going to let me search you, or do I just throw you out?”

I said, “Finish up, and then call the police please.”

When he was finished with my shoes, he said, “Okay, you can go.”

I said, “I’d like to see your supervisor and I’d like LVPD to come here as well. I was assaulted by you.”

He said, “You’re free to go, there’s no problem.”

I said, “I have a problem, please send someone over.”

It gets even better so you should read all of it!!

Like Paula (It’s Only Words), my favorite line in the whole story is easily:

“…freedom is kind of a hobby with me, and I have disposable income that I’ll spend to find out how to get people more of it.”

This is my second most favorite line:

The cop says, “Your guy grabbed his crank. That ain’t right.”

God bless Penn. May he never stop being a hilarious champion of freedom.

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